Wednesday, December 29, 2010

My Person of the Year in 2010.

My person of the year is none other than Martha Wangari wa Karua. Bold. Decisive. Intelligent. Patriotic. We ought to think deeply about a woman prezzo calling the shots from the big house on the hill. Who has bigger 'balls' than Martha. Of course she's not perfect, she's not a saint, but she has proved many times she has guts and stamina. Male politicians and presidents in Kenya have brought nothing but tears, mass murder, corruption and tribalism. I urge all Kenyan women who are indeed the majority to back one of their own. They should stop the jealousy and envy amongst themselves and back Ms Karua. I believe she would make an excellent CEO of this once great nation. Keep up the momentum Madam Iron Lady!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Leave Sonko Alone And Go For the Well Known Big Criminals.

Of course the police want to be 'seen to be doing something' in regard to recent waves of corruption and soar away crime in good old Kenya. So they go for Sonko, the newly elected Makadara MP. This is after they had given him a certificate of good conduct to vie for the said seat! The police even comically took him to court today, late in the evening knowing very well that the court was closed for the day and the good judge possibly sipping cold tusker somewhere away from the madness of criminals.

Why can't the bungling and inept police, voted continuously for over 5 years as the most corrupt institution, go for the real big fish? If indeed they wanted, they would be spoilt for choice. From Goldenberg scumbags, Triton thieves, Anglo Leasing bandits and Grand Regency looters? Hell, they could even opt to look into Passat deal, De la Rue, Free primary education, IDP funds, Maize scam etc. These are the biggest thieves, liars, crooks and cheats ruining our economy and lives of innocent Kenyans who continue dying due to lack of medicare, bad roads, lack of relief food and books for kids in schools. What about the land grabbers and cocaine smugglers lurking inside the Govt that were recently named by the American ambassador?

I'm not saying that Sonko is innocent or guilty, that's not for me to judge. Most people view him as a modern day Robin Hood who just wants to help the poor by any means necessary. What I'm saying is this, there are many past files on big thieves waiting to be acted upon. Why be so so choosy when meting out justice? Pounce on them and lock the biggest criminals first and fast. They are the biggest threat we have as a nation! Sonko will then come in later....

Monday, October 25, 2010

Highest Paid CEOs In Kenya 2012.

After some investigations which took me two good weeks, here's my verdict.

1. Michael Joseph- Safaricom...Ksh 3.1M Per Month

2. James Mwangi- Equity Bank...Ksh 2.8M P/M

3. Sani Adetu- East African Breweries...Ksh 2.7M P/M

4. Adan Mohamed- Barclays Bank.....Ksh 2.5M P/M

5. Linus Gitahi- Nation Media Group....Ksh 2.4M P/M

6. Martin Oduor Otieno- KCB....Ksh 2.2M P/M

7. Titus Naikuni- Kenya Airways....Ksh 2.1M P/M

8. Les Baillie- Safaricom CFO....Ksh 2M P/M

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

What a Senseless Waste of Young Lives!

You should be able to enjoy driving your car without much worry on any given day here in Nairobi and indeed throughout the country, right? Wrong! We have hundreds of unqualified and drunk drivers on our roads at any given time ready to smash right into your vehicle. In fact, drunks can be seen driving even at noon without a care in the world. One only needs to drive at night from around 11pm along Lang'ata road and Waiyaki Way and see the unbelievable carnage caused by reckless young people in their souped up Subaru Imprezza's and Forresters!

These young men and women are mostly drunk and hit the road like Kamikaze pilots ready for a suicide mission. As it's always too common, they are always dead on time. And what for at such tender age of 25? Even if you are one careful driver who happens to obey all the known traffic rules, be careful since a mad man may plough right into you any time here in Nairobi!

Another menace comes from Matatu madness who flout even the simplest of known road courtesy. The brains of matatu drivers are usually fuming and filled with stress to the brim. The hot head that is matatu driver is constantly thinking about saving the next minute or two and making an extra shilling here and there before he ends the shift. As it's always too common, he ends up banging right into an innocent driver or mowing a innocent pedestrian. This ultimately ends up draining all that he has worked for so hard for the last one year or so.

And where are the notoriously lazy and inefficient traffic cops as all the madness is going on? Of course, they are busy out there milking our pockets dry in tiniest of bribes. One should basically be able to enjoy his ride without much worry. But in Kenya, a vehicles is best described as a gift that became a curse. You are on your own when it comes to driving on Kenyan roads.

Friday, October 1, 2010

"Sonko Is An Animal in Bed"- Claims His Ex

- Urban Legend Sonko is not only good in drawing bad cheques, jumping bail or escaping from jail but has other hidden talent he refuses to share with his fans: he's the greatest lover of all! This not so shocking revelation is from a lady who works in the media and who claims to be his ex is bound to excite even more idle minds that never tire of talking about the flashy new kid in town who is famed for his deep pockets and love of flashy ice.

The said ex, name withheld for obvious reasons is yapping all over to anyone who cares to listen that when she was 'pushing' with man Sonko several years ago, he was "an animal" when it comes exercising his waist in the bedroom department. The lady, with her eyes beaming told us how Sonko would bump and grind like a love struck teenager till the wee hours of the morning just before the birds could start humming. "He's the greatest lover of them all!" She whined in our office as scores gathered to listen to her not knowing whether to believe, laugh, cry or roll down and die.

So there you go for more juicy gossip about man like Sonko which is not too harsh unlike the ones about Kamiti and bad cheques. And with that bit of harmless gossip, Sonko is bound to get himself more fans in the name of bored housewives whose obsession is watching cheap day time soap operas from Mexico and lots of predictable Nigerian "movies" if we can call them that. I hope next time Sonko rides for his campaigns the bored housewives won't hurl their panties as missiles to the greatest lover of them all!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Mike Sonko's Win Equals Karua's Own Goal?

1. Have you guys noticed Iron Lady Martha Karua is laying low after her party's big win instead of being out there celebrating?

2. Do you know with Sonko's victory (a very dodgy character indeed to some) Martha Karua may have scored an own goal?

3. Do you know PNU was shell shocked after the defeat since they were so confident of winning to an extent that PNU's chairman George Kinuthia Muthengi wa Saitoti didn't even bother to campaign for his buddies?

4. Did you know after Saitoti learnt of the defeat, his skin crawled in anger and his hair stood straight. A very close insider told me an angry Saitoti banged the table with his fist and screamed, "I want a file of that Makanga Sonko opened immediately!" Saitoti wants the KRA, KACC, CID et all trawling Sonko's life history, his wealth, girlfriends, wives, vehicles, telephone numbers which are already bugged, his bank accounts etc.

5. Do you know Sonko's win will be used to tarnish Iron Lady in the coming weeks? Already NSIS under the command of Major General Gichangi is working very hard on it to an extent of posting in various blogs including here allegations that Sonko is a drugs baron who is financing Narc-Kenya?

Watch this space. Someone has rattled the snake which will soon bite back. PNU thugs will not take the defeat lying down. Some PNU big shots who are so powerful to an extent they decide who breathes and who goes six feet under are busy doing what they do best- SCHEMING!!!!!!!

Sonko who is so politically naive should stop yapping around that he has 200 bank accounts and a ship. This man is over excited and his handlers are clearly letting him down. He should lay low, probably take a well deserved holiday until things cool down. Politics, he will learn very fast can be very dirty. He's dancing himself lame even before the music has begun!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

By Election Analysis

I'm happy coz thuggish Ndolo is now history. Trust me you will never ever hear that horrible name as far as politics of Nairobi is concerned. He spent/burnt millions but sober folks like me knew his fate had already been sealed.

He will forever be remembered for his "weka tyre" speech urging his supporters to set ablaze Kikuyu opponents. He's still under investigations by KACC for misuse of CDF cash back in the day when he was MP. It's good riddance to bad rubbish!

I said here 2 months ago Sonko Mbuvi was the man to watch in Makadara. The guy has done lots of good job in the slums like paying for driving licenses for all the makangas on that route, starting car wash biz for the youth, employing lots of youth in his matatus, bars and construction biz etc. When the young folks looked at him they saw one of their own, even in dressing sense. I still don't know his real name, is it George/Gideon/Michael?

As for George Thuo the elitist snob is concerned, now we know now he indeed stole the elections in 2007. You will always find Kabogo eating mandazi or drinking beer in one of those dingy and sweaty places in Thika or Nairobi together with the common folks.

But not the elitist Thuo whose buddies are rich and famous land barons like Uhuru. Thuo can now go back and concentrate in managing his run down Citi Hoppas which are famed for ripping off customers especialy travelling short distances. He has been left with a huge bill but lucky guy it won't dent his big bank balance. You can check in my blog an article I did long ago called "hopeless city hoppas!"

Maina Kamanda the former hawker and councillor was arrogant to say the least to a point of not appearing in any talk show on TV. Even PNU mandarins foolishly thought the trophy was in the bag that they avoided campaigning for him. This arrogance floored him and you will never hear him again in politics after being rejected twice. He has a huge tab to pick for the petition and by election campaign.

As for madam Bishop, well she had to sweat it out on her own after being kind of isolated by her own party who thought Kamanda would win. Wanjiru fought tough campaigns and could be seen criss crossing from one TV studio to the next never mind she had campaigned against the new constitution. People looked at her and voted for her as a person and her party never played any significance. This woman, like her or hate her fought a good fight and deserved the win! She's emerged as a tough nut to crack and hopefully she will go for the Guvnor of Nai. Who know?

Kabogo was a bitter man from the start coz he always believed he had won in 2007 and rightly so and thus proved his point with a well deserved landslide. I have met Kabogo twice in recent months and believe me his sight is set on higher things like being Guvnor of Kiambu county. This man has magnetic appeal and is very likeable.

He has the deep pockets to go for the county Guvnor and huge popularity. Those who know his humble abode in Nyali Mombasa which is the size of state house know what I mean when I say he's the real sonko- a man of means. Only the son of Jomo can match that as far as Kiambu is concerned but Jomo Jnr has his eyes trained on bigger offices of the land if the Hague doesn't do him.

Questions will also be raised after Jomo jnr lost in Juja his own turf since it's part of Kiambu where Iron Lady Karua triumphed, mind you she's from far away Kirinyaga. It was a big triumph for the Iron Lady as far as influence in Central politics is concerned.

My 2 cents worth.

Monday, September 6, 2010

These Bloody Politicians Can't Even Manage a Village Cattle Dip!

First they shamelessly invited a wanted mass murderer on the most important day since 1963 when we celebrated our Independence. Can someone please explain to me what we gained as a nation by inviting Al-Bashir and humiliating the Southern Sudanese? Instead of the world joining us in that fete and talking about our new born country, two weeks later, everyone is still talking about how the day was hijacked, airport shut and how Al-Bashir gatecrashed our party.

Then the sham census results that cost the tax payer over 12 billion shillings were announced after months and months of doctoring the figures and dithering. They came as fraudulent as expected. Nothing is adding up, whether you text for the figures using the special number given or checked the 'official' figures that were released by minister Oparanya. So much wasted time and money in the shambolic exercise. We never seem to get anything right in Africa. And yet, the minister in charge of the whole bogus exercise is still in office collecting a whooping 1 million plus- per month in salary and allowances. What a joke this nation is!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Wanted Mass Murderer Bashir Buys a VIP Seat In Nairobi For Millions of Dollars

Wanted Genocideer walked in town untouched. What a shame on Kenya's most important day since independence! May those who invited this mass murderer be haunted by their insensitive, evil, callous and barbaric actions for the rest of their damned lives. Sudanese dictator ought to be rotting in hell, not strutting his stuff in our beautiful country. I hear he bought his invitation card to Nairobi for some millions of dollars....

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Raila Back In Hospital in Italy?

18 Aug 2010 06:51:19 GMT 18 Aug 2010 06:51:19 GMT Source: Reuters
NAIROBI, Aug 18 (Reuters) - Kenya's Prime Minister Raila Odinga headed for a break in Italy as he recovers from an operation last month to relieve pressure on his brain, his office said late on Tuesday.
The usually indefatigable Odinga, who was advised by doctors to slow his pace of work as he convalesces, is expected to return to east Africa's largest economy before the Aug. 27 promulgation of a new constitution.
"The prime minister leaves the country later tonight for a brief holiday outside the country for a few days rest. The PM will be in Italy for about a week," Dennis Onyango, the prime minister's spokesman, said in an emailed statement.
Odinga's illness forced him to break off campaigning for the new charter, which Kenyans endorsed in a peaceful referendum on Aug. 4. On Monday, Odinga hosted a lavish cocktail party at his home to celebrate the "yes" vote.
The revised basic law is aimed at ending the ethnic rivalries that have plagued Kenyan politics since independence from Britain in 1963. Political analysts say the referendum win boosted 65-year-old Odinga's prospects in 2012 presidential elections. (Reporting by Richard Lough; Editing by Charles Dick) news ## for search indexer, do not remove -->

Friday, August 13, 2010

Sorry Guys But Truth Be Told..I'm Beginning to Like Man Tinga...

Over the last two years, I have been a very harsh critic of Rt Hon Prime Minister Raila Odinga AKA "Fabregas, Tinga, Captain, Agwambo, Arap Mibei, Jamba etc". But I'm now seriously considering endorsing him for the highest office in Kenya come 2012. I'm beginning to like lots of actions he's taking and words he's talking because he's striking all the right tones. I know he can do better and that's why I'm holding my endorsement for a few more weeks. But compared to other presidential contenders/pretenders/wannabees, Raila seems to be way ahead of the pack. This is because the said pretenders are bogged down in legal cases that involve fraud, election violence and land grabbing. Others like Ruto are busy living a big fat lie while they build castles in the air as far as patriotism is concerned. True, Raila is not a saint and no one is perfect. But most of us can relate to his vision, hope and aspirations for mother Kenya. I think Raila would make a great President assisted by Martha Karua or what do you think? Of course a week in politics is like eternity and lots of stuff can happen in between. We still have about 2 years to go to the ballot and the vote will separate the wheat from the chuff. Yet so far although I hate his party, I like the leader!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Shut The Hell Up Bwana PLO and Please Get Busy Working!

Above: KACC boss Dr. PLO Lumumba in one of his many press conferences
The new boss of KACC- Kenya Anti Corruption Commission is a very intelligent and eloquent man. That, there's no doubt. But I'm sick and tired of seeing him just talking and talking to a point of becoming what is known as a talking head. Doesn't he ever get tired of exercising his jaws and throat? I mean, honestly, this university don never shuts up yet he has a mountain of corruption related files lying on his desk at Integrity Centre which is located off Valley Road in Nairobi. Justice Aaron Ringera must have left quite a fine mess there before he was kicked out in disgrace.

This begs the question, when does PLO ever get busy working yet he's hopping from one TV and radio station to the next from one newspaper to the next or being interviewed from his posh office by anyone who labels himself a journalist. Kenyans don't care about the Shakespeare English or the flawless Zanzibari Swahili that PLO keeps mouthing. What Kenyans care about is the arrest of rampant corruption in Government and private sector, their conviction and incarceration at Kamiti prison.

Since independence, no big fish has been convicted of any corruption related case in Kenya. That's why impunity thrives since the sacred cows know they are just untouchable. PLO will eventually be judged, not on how many vocabularies he utters in his daily briefings, but the success of stemming the huge tide of shady and corrupt activities in Kenya. In simple and plain English: Talk less Bwana PLO and work more. Is that too much to ask?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

It's The Media That Won It.

Well done to our media for the vigorous and positive campaign of backing the proposed draft constitution. The result is a thundering YES victory from the majority of Kenyans who voted overwhelmingly YES. As this famous front page from Britain's biggest selling tabloid shows in 1992, The Sun helped the Tories to win. Well, I think in our case it's the Media wot won it for all of us! Congrats!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

On 5th of August... After Katiba Yes Win....

Old dictator and master trickster who is bank rolling the NO camp laughs at foolish Kenyans. But for how long will Moi keep laughing after the 5th of August when new laws catches up with this old despot?

Crocodile tears and drama apart, William Samoei Arap Ruto will lock himself up inside the toilet and cry for real once he realises his life has been one big fat lie and the bitter truth starts catching up with this master of deception and fraud.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Is Al-Shabaab Targetting Kenya?

I shudder to pause and think what our police are doing to keep us safe from Al-Shabaab militia who have just bombed and killed innocent soccer fans in Uganda. 64 totally innocent Ugandans are reported dead and that figure is just a conservative estimate. Intelligence offices of our police are filled to the brim with hundreds of files of unsolved crimes like the killings of TJ Mboya, JM Kariuki, Oscar Foundation officials and more recently the twin bombing at Uhuru Park where NO crusaders were targeted.

Kenya/Somali borders is long and porous. Terrorists can sneak in and leave at will and they do as in the case several bombings in Kenya over the last 12 years. Kikambala Paradise Hotel bombing is still fresh in our minds. Those who are foolish enough to get caught can obviously pay their way out of trouble. Those illegally living here have bribed their way to our pathetic, corrupt and shambolic immigration department for ID cards as long as they can grease the palms of the staff.

More criminals from Somalia are using their piracy money to invest here, no questions asked since we seem to be too busy entrenched in our ethnic hate! The fact is that we have so many illegal aliens and no one seems to have the slightest clue who they are and their actual figures. I have no problem with legal asylum seekers who have fled terror and anarchy. We have a moral obligation to assist them especially women and children. They are legal since they have followed the right screening procedures.

It would not be too far fetched to imagine some sleeper cells that exist in Kenya as terrorists wait to strike our land.Can we surely rely on our police force which is historically lazy and corrupt with nothing much to show for? Absolutely never, especially not one when they are reported to be on a go slow strike. What about our lawmakers? They are just too busy lining their pockets from our taxes while they demand more pay without any shame or remorse.

I really don't think Somalis are doing enough to fix their country which has been in turmoil for the last 15 years. Their MPs can be seen in Nairobi driving top of the range SUVs or lazing around in big hotels. It's time they were prodded to return back and fix their nation. A stable and prosperous Somalia will definitely result in a more stable East Africa. We wish them well!

In the meanwhile as far as our security as a nation is concerned, it's everybody for himself and God for us all. You are on your own buddy!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Kenya Police On Strike? Give Me a F#$%&ng Break!

Welcome to the Wild Wild West..........
I just saw in the papers that our good for nothing and highly corrupt cops are on some form of strike because the pay increase they got from our equally corrupt Govt was not good enough to pamper their bloated ego! Well, thanks to the media because one can't tell the difference when cops are on or off duty. Actually to be honest, the streets look somehow safer with trigger happy cops staying away! And I have not heard of any stray bullet killing an innocent by-stander! Hopefully, the cops will come back after they get some little manners and respect for those they are supposed to serve! Bure Kabisa!!!!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Kibaki is obviously in NO camp!

There are widespread rumours that Kibaki is singing YES during the day then leading the "NO" team at night.

Here are some intriguing facts:

1. Kibaki has never been a reformer for the 50 years he has been in politics!
2. All Central province MPs are also singing YES during the day but holding secret NO meetings at night.
3. Kibaki is a staunch Catholic and we know the Catholics are singing a loud NO to the new constitution.
4. How comes no one has been arrested two months after the words "National Security" were criminally sneaked in the draft yet AG Amos Wako blamed the NSIS? (National Security Intelligence Service)
5. The secretive NSIS which is headed by Major Gichangi who is also from Othaya takes it's orders from only one person, the president of the Republic of Kenya!
6. How comes after a whole 48 hours since the Uhuru Park bombing, no one has been arrested or interrogated?
7.How comes Ruto who is in NO was not arrested and taken to court yet he's on record as saying there will be a big war between Christians and Muslims if the draft constitution is passed?
8. How comes Kibaki's biggest friends and advisers like Michuki, Karume, Joe Wanjui etc have not been heard during this debate and they appear to have gone into hiding?
9. If YES wins, Raila's political fortunes will dramatically rise and may catapult him into state house. Do you think Kibaki can be happy with a Raila's presidency?
10. How comes the vocal Jimmy Kibaki, Judy Kibaki and Lucy Kibaki are also very silent?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

UoN Coackroaches Sent Packing

Rioting thugs from Nairobi Uni who were stoning, burning and looting for the last 3 days have now been kicked out. I saw from a distance as some of these sick goons terrified and robbed a helpless woman near the university way roundabout two days ago. The whole area that occupies the UoN, from Mamlaka Road to KBC area appear cool and calm thanks to the swift action taken by their VC prof Magogha. Gone are the days when SONU elections used to be peaceful and produce credible leaders like Kabando wa Kabando, Danson Mungatana, Wafula Buke, James Orengo among others. These days, SONU leaders are elected purely on tribal lines and then swiftly ally themselves with leaders from their respective tribal backgrounds purely for financial motives. I support the closure of this once famous and revered learning institution until common sense prevails in the student's small brains. And did I say Koinange Street will also be calmer especially at night?

Monday, March 22, 2010

When did you last give the waiter a tip?

Yes, when was the last time you showed your appreciation after a quick service and a superb meal even though the waitress wasn't that cute? I love chatting to people whether it's mama mboga, watchie, doctor, matatu driver etc. So the other day I was in this city restaurant just having some fine lunch. I just picked up a conversation with the lady waiter since she wasn't busy at the time. And what she told me left completely astounded. Hers is a life trapped in exploitation, low pay, rude customers, long hours..etc. Talk about unthankful jobs!
The lady duly informed me she gets paid just 200 bob daily (worse than peanuts where are the leaders she voted for?), after enduring all the madness. Some ignorant fellas may think this waitress is foolish to stick to such a job, but what choice does she have? Even with her fine educational background, it's completely hard to find a decent job in Kenya, where universities here are churning out thousands of graduates who can't be absorbed into the local job market. So most people pick any job that comes along praying for a better one later on. For your info, my barber, who happens to receive a generous tip after his service is a graduate but "jobless" when it comes to his exercising his degree.
OK, don't give me that "education only prepares you for the future" nonsense.
To cut a long story short, please be thankful if the service you received was satisfactory, offer a tip if you really afford it! Come on, that's not much considering how much you wasted last weekend in the clubs! On the other case if the service is poor, just don't tip and never return to the shoddy place ever again. I have sat in various pubs and restaurants and I can say tipping is never in our genes as Kenyans. Actually, some waiters and waitresses are so shocked when given, say a twenty bob tip, that they think the customer "forgot" the change. That 20 bob from Wanjiku, Otieno and Mohamed goes a long way in boosting the morale of the waiters and feeding the little ones back home. LET'S TIP!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Hopeless Citi Hoppas...Gone To The Dogs!

Citi Hoppa's management must be dead asleep as their service to the public continues to go pear shaped, from bad to worse! In the tight and hot battle for commuters, the Citi Hoppa's are outdoing the matatus when it comes to crude behaviour, recklessness and utter greed. Just take a walk along valley road and you will see all the madness which include over-lapping, reckless driving, insults to commuters and over charging which I call out-right theft.

The other day my girlfriend started feeling unwell at work and so we decided to rush and see her doctor near Nairobi Hospital. We decided to take a Citi Hoppa number 46 outside the GPO (Telkom) and the conductor assured the bus would pass outside the Upper Hill Medical Centre which is situated next to Bishop Road off Ralph Bunche Rd. Of Course it was a big lie! The driver refused to use the route even though the road was clear without any jam.

To make things worse, when I alighted at Valley Road, the bus quickly left before my girlfriend could alight and she was driven 200 metres further away, never mind she was vomiting and sick! We were also overcharged for all the madness, 40 bob each, just like those going to Kawangware, never mind that it was a short distance of about 1 kilometre. The main reason we had taken the Citi Hopper was because we had been lied to it would turn left towards Nbi Hosp, but it didn't. For the same ride to where we got dumped, KBS was charging just 20 bob. Talk about a good company going to the dogs! And it's not the first time I have been disappointed by the hopeless Citi Hoppa.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Greedy Kenyans Enter The Pub Business.

I recently had a nasty experience when I went to watch footie in some city joint. My evening was ruined by a huge bill which landed on my table. I couldn't possibly believe that beer was being sold at almost 200 bob per bottle in a normal restaurant which had a horrible service. It's one of the many joints where the waiter will disappear with your change for hours until you wrestle with the crowd to find him or her which is a harder task than finding a needle in the haystack.

Welcome the the world of greedy entrepreneurs who have swamped the entertainment industry to make a quick buck before greed blows on their businesses. There's a lot of greed out there. I know to start any biz in Nai is a costly affair where one is reluctantly conned by being asked to pay a "goodwill" fee which can run into millions. So obviously many businessmen want to recoup that quickly but by hiking prices and ripping off Kenyans, they soon face imminent collapse.

Why should some joints sell beer as if it's gold yet there are some nice pubs out there which sell at reasonable offer? Why should Kenyans entertain these rip off joints and give in to exploitation and greed? It's about time Kenyans voted with their wallets and said NO to such establishments that are just after only one thing, a quick buck. My free advise to these deluded pubs is simple. Respect your clients, be reasonably priced and offer a decent service. You will live long to enjoy the fruits of labour.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Kenyan Celeb Impregnates College Girl.

Latest hot news reaching my inbox is that a well known dreadlocked figure in Kenyan music and dance scene has impregnated a young beautiful college gal called Suzie who is barely in her 20's! Now this gal who was cheated into bed by this celeb used to be a dancer in Wyre's band. So she met this serial philanderer through Wyre also known as 'the love child'. I know that Wyre is very innocent in all this madness and has absolutely nothing to do with the scandal of this guy who has a long time galfriend. I should ask Wyre to warn his close buddy because the truth is now out. I just want to verify some few facts before I expose the full identity and photo of this love rat who is preying on young gals with fake promises of instant stardom...Check back later!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Esther's Newest Catch From Pastor Hellon......................

This article was written 5 years ago: QUINCY TIMBERLAKE Alias Fizzle dogg.. is the man to watch!!#nl#;Born Quincy Timberlake at Kethumile,Kwa Zulu-Natal in South Africa...Fizzledogg has undergone alot of life experiences.He's undergone alot of humiliation,torture and undermining of his general struggle.#nl#;Fizzledogg was born in April 22nd,.He underwent the school training from Durban Deep Primary school through to University of Zululand.He went for further studies in Sweden's Goteborg University.But besides that,he went for music studies in Slovenia for 1 year.He came out with an MMu.He's amongst the best under 25 most educated at his level of life.#nl#;Fizzledogg has won alot awards including that from the President Mandela known as Madiba Trophy for being able draw him in pencil,oil and pestle.He's also won an award in being the youngest donator to the street families in 1999.#nl#;Fizzledogg has performed live on stage both as a curtain raiser and co-performer.For the first time in his music career,Fizzledogg staged for the ace of base in 1992 in Capetown.he's also staged for Snoop Dogg,Jagged Edge,Brandy and Alicia Keys(whom romours are spreading around that they're dating).Alica Key has been the closest ace star to Fizzledogg for sometime.She's helped him in his career for along time.Alicia is even arranging with his recording boss Clive davis of J records.#nl#;Fizzledogg is currently doing a recording solely with the OGOPA DJz Production House in Kenya.Ogopa is known for producing national superstars like K-Rupt,Kleptomaniax,Nameless,Wahu,Big-Pin and Mr.Lenny.Fizzledogg is currently doing an album with K-Rupt who's believed to hold a world music tour beginning the december 28th.From South Africa to Australia.#nl#;Fizzledogg has been to 41 countries.He's performed live in 21 and visited 20 countries.#nl#;Fizzledogg is now doing a debut album in Kenya.He's doing a collabo with K-Rupt.Watch out for Cha-Cha Remix,Fizzledogg show,Ngiyabonga,Uxolo and e.t.c

Let's All Pray For Esther Arunga.

Plastic smiles: Pastor Hellon has already identified a new lover for Esther
The fiasco of a press conference yesterday created more storm than clear things up. Hell-on, Esther and Kuyu who is Hell-on's wife. Kuyu: she just sat there like a dummy, never uttered a single word! I'm really scared about Esther's sanity after watching her news conference yesterday. It's evidently clear everything was well choreographed and I bet all the words she spoke were not really hers. She must have been told what to say, when to blink and when to force a smile!

I looked into her eyes and saw a troubled lady who has been brainwashed by some dark forces out there. She tried in vain to smile but clever minds and those who know her saw a forced laughter. Esther has become a shadow of her former self. How such a well educated and beautiful lady let her "mentor".. "pastor" and "business partner" dictate who she can sleep with or marry? Funny enough, Esther broke up with her fiance one Mr Maloba because in her own words "he was flirting around with other girls who are members of the church!"

How can Esther be so naive to think there's a perfect man out there! When Hell-on was asked by journalists about the core foundation and beliefs of his church or cult as some call it, he totally refused to answer such a simple and straight forward question and many people are asking what this man is hiding. He only admitted church members are allowed to dance to secular music and drink long as one doesn't get drunk!

What we know so far is that Hell-on is facing a criminal charge at Kibera magistrate's court for sending threatening and abusive text messages to Mr Maloba. We also now know He and Esther want to plunge into the murky world of Kenyan politics and foolishly delude themselves they stand a chance. We also know that Esther still refuses to go to her parent's home or talk to them on the phone causing pain and anguish to her whole family.

She has also threatened to sue "all the media" for libel and one wonders where she will get millions of shillings to execute such costly exercises that can drag on for ages. And in case she loses the suits, she stands to pay more millions to the media houses in form of court charges. She naively thinks she can take on and win the high powered and famous lawyers who represent media giants like Nation Group.

By calling for a news conference, yelling about at journalists, making a fool of herself and threatening her imaginary enemies, Esther Arunga is clearly playing in the hands of the media, especially the tabloids and FM stations. And that's exactly what they want! Talk about a good gal gone bad....

Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Must Have Car For The Kenyan Super Rich is....

As we stated before in the very first article when this blog kicked off, every topic goes, we are not choosy. Be it serious scandals or just having some fun. It's all here in bure kabisa!

Back in the day when we were growing up, the must have 'super car' for the rich elite was a Peugeot 504. Most of these cars were bought brand new at Marshalls since the mitumba concept had not fully evolved. Then came the famous Musso from Ssangyong of South Korea. After the dazzling Musso, came the Toyota Prado. I can tell you many local songs have singers boasting about this car! After the Prado came the Toyota VX also called Amazon in UK. This VX giant was in many models like the in the form of Lexus 470 and it's still a very popular car with politicians due to it's durability and versatility in handling local terrain. But nowadays, young rich Kenyans who are minting millions in the I.T industry and stock markets prefer the sleek BMW x5, Mercedes ML, BMW 5 and 7 series and Mercedes E class. Many wealthy Kenyans of Asian origin are fond of the H3 Hummer and this is evident when you drive around their main places of work concentrated in the industrial area. But the question is this, which is the car of choice in year 2010 for the seriously minted Kenyans? These reclusive Kenyans are largely unknown but super wealthy and reside in posh areas like Mzima Springs, Lavi, Karen, Muthaiga, Runda, Kitisuru, Nyali-Msa and Gigiri. Well, I have done some serious research and I can conclusively reveal that the car of choice for these multi-millionaires is BMW X6. Please don't ask me why. All I know is that a Mitumba BMW x6 will set you back around Ksh 10m. But many of the x6 coming in Kenya are mostly brand new and sourced from UK, South Africa and Germany so their cost is higher considering these cars are air-lifted here in Kenya. Don't forget that the good old tax-man at KRA has a big appetite for such machines!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

KTN's Esther Arunga Hypnotized by Jazz Maestro Hellon in Runda Church

UPDATES: The Daily Nation broke this story yesterday although the story was hidden in middle pages and didn't give any clue or names of those involved. I picked the story and gave it "legs" by revealing the true identities of the "ghosts" behind the story and told how Esther quit her job, dumped her husband to be and eloped with some self styled jazz teacher called Hellon. I'm informed Esther has joined some form of cult based in Runda and it's membership is composed of some obscure rich Kenyans and cute ladies. Hellon is the boss there and lives in a rented palatial property in the up-market Runda. Esther has gone missing in action and her family and workmates haven't seen her for weeks! Her family is distressed to say the least. The saga continues.............Well keep u posted.
She's a TV star in Kenya, she's beautiful and famous but she has just been hypnotized by a weird jazz musician called Hellon (real name Ekkaleo Joesph Hellon) who has a church in Runda. Step forward Esther Arunga. So why did this cute and well trained lawyer-cum-journalist leave her high flying job to join some dubious character who was also a judge in the recently concluded Tusker Project Fame? According to well placed sources, Esther who was engaged and set to get married was convinced by "pastor" Hellon to dump his man after she had joined his Runda church. Now family and friends have not heard from her because she's sulking and refusing to answer her phone having being mesmerized in her new church's activities! Apparently Hellon's "church" is said to have many cute ladies some who reside there "helping" in divine chores. The church is weirdly named Finger of God. Come on Esther...go home for "heaven" sake!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Thieves and Crooks Working in Mombasa Port

Crooked employees at the port are causing a nightmare to hard working taxpayers by stealing containers and goods with mind boggling impunity. If you import a vehicle, high chances are that the tyres will be changed with some worn out ones, the jack, indicators and the stereo will be missing. The crooks also love vandalising cars just for their own kicks. All this madness is executed at the expense of those decent and hard working Kenyans who risk their millions when they import goods through the port of Mombasa. In a recent report published in the Daily Nation, it shows how cartels also fleece the Govt when containers are released without any payment of duty. In some other cases, the containers are just out rightly stolen in broad daylight.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Why Raila Will Whip Uhuru's Ass..

Raila's office announced he will tour parts of Central province and all the hell broke loose. It just showed how much some cowardly leaders from Central fear the prime minister although they seem to have changed tact and accepted the inevitable.
Recent opinion polls from Steadman, now called Synovet, show Raila is way ahead of Uhuru Muigai Kenyatta in Mt Kenya region which is his own power base. That has left many political analysts in disbelief but not to the common man from the region. I was in parts of Central over the weekend on a business tour. Whenever I travel, I like talking to the ordinary man to gauge the political mood on the ground. These are some of the reasons I found why man Tinga is zooming ahead of the great son of Jomo and also why Kikuyus are against Uhuru:

1. Uhuru has associated himself with Ruto, the man Kikuyus blame for 2007/8 election violence. The great Nyumba ya Mumbi will not associate themselves with the dubious outfit called KKK alliance created by the minted few that is Uhuru, Ruto and Kalonzo to bring the Kikuyu, Kalenjin and Kamba together. In fact, it sounds more like the dreaded Ku Klux Klan famed for lynching poor black folk in the southern states of the USA.

2. Many Kikuyus feel that it's time for a president from another community to take over. The great 'andu a nyumba' have already produced Kenyatta and Kibaki. And so as not to be seen as selfish, many believe it's time to back another horse- from a different tribe- that will protect their interests!

3. Uhuru is seen by many as not being his own man. Remember he was propped up by Moi and immediately labelled "Uhuru Project" by the media? And now we have Kibaki trying to impose him on Kikuyus yet again! It's time Uhuru cut himself loose from these outdated Wazees and stood in his own shoes.

4. President Kibaki has now become a figure of hate and ridicule in Kenya and more so in his own Central homeland for his failed leadership and rampant corruption in govt. In fact, many of my Kikuyu brothers tell me that Kibaki failed to protect them during the post election violence despite having all the powers to do so. Don't forget the IDPs are still in camps, two years on! Kibaki is also seen by many as having failed yet again to control Mungiki who are reigning supreme in Central causing all manner of brutal deaths and destruction. When Kikuyus reject Uhuru whom the president want to be the boss in Central and possibly Kenya, they are rebelling against Kibaki's poor leadership!

5. Many people felt really hurt when Kibaki opted for Uhuru to be the Deputy PM instead of Martha Karua who single handed defended his controversial re-election while her boss went AWOL. To make things worse, Martha quit the govt because Kibaki was no longer listening to her. This betrayal did not win young Uhuru many friends. If there was any justice, Kibaki would have made Martha the DPM and Uhuru should have declined the offer if indeed he was not selfish.

6. The Land Issue: It's true that the Kenyattas are some of the richest and most powerful family in Africa. Their combined total land mass is said to be larger than Nyanza province. This is despite many poor Kikuyus being landless and peasants who were forced to migrate to the Rift Valley when rich land barons grabbed their land. Many of those who were evicted or conned do blame the Kenyatta family for the mess that resulted in their displacement. Their children have grown up, wised and want sweet revenge. And who better to vent their anger than the son of Jomo?
7. Uhuru is seen by many to be a spoilt rich kid who is completely out of touch with the reality on the ground. He has really never felt the pain of the common man to fully grasp what many people go through while earning under a dollar a day. Many people doubt he can truly feel their pain.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Good News to Kenyans...

When this blog was started earlier on in the year, one of the first posts was about an arrogant cabinet minister from the coast and this is what the post said in part:

"Kenya's most hated minister the always under-performing Chirau Ali Mwakwere, the Matuga MP and Transport minister. This guy has become a complete joke and an embarrassment to the Govt and all decent Kenyans."

That's many days ago when Mwakwere was wasting millions of our taxes paid as his salary for doing zero work. The good news to the resilient people of this great country is that Mwakwere is out through a poll petition he lost yesterday, call it a blessing in disguise! It's goodbye and good riddance to a very arrogant and self-important nobody.

Kibaki should have seized the opportunity long before yesterday and sacked this disgraceful minister, but of course he did not. The good judge did. And rightly so! I rarely drink by Mwakwere's sweet humiliation calls for a pint of beer!

Monday, February 1, 2010

President Jacob Zuma: A laughing stock at home and abroad.

Wild Antics: SA president dancing to the tune "where is my machine gun!" at a recent political rally.
South Africa's colourful president and proud polygamist Jacob Zuma is never far from controversy, or is he? He is now claimed to have fathered a love child with a girl young enough to be his daughter! And newspapers across the world are jeering at the most powerful man in South Africa and ironically there's nothing he can do! "Jacob Zuma is father for 20th time, but not by one of his three wives!" Screamed the widely read Guardian of UK. Zuma apologized profusely 3 years ago for sleeping with an HIV woman without any protection thus undermining war on Aids.

But if true that he has fathered a love child, it clearly shows old habits die hard, sleeping again without any form of protection. It should be noted that both the young victims of Zuma's restless waist are daughters of his best friends! Talk about leaving the wolf to tend the sheep. This man can clearly pounce on women who are not his despite having 3 wives and he's rumored to be hunting a fourth and fifth for marital bliss. We can laugh and joke about this man who loves singing "bring my machine gun" in political rallies, but one thing is very certain. Zuma does make the legendary Nelson Mandela look very, very dull and painfully boring!

Africa has had it's share of colourful big men before, but the last time we had such a divisive and scandalous leaders was decades ago when the likes of Iddi Amin and Mobutu Seseko reigned supreme. South Africa is hosting the world cup this June. Will the media concentrate on the beautiful game or on the scandals, some on the way I believe, of Jacob Zuma? With a leader like this, South Africa is definitely living in the past.

Mariga: Great Footballer With Ludicrous Name!

Destined for greater height: "MacDonald" Mariga will join the mega bucks at the Man City football club.
As young Mariga joins the top flight of footballing world of the fast paced English premiership, I really wish him the most fantastic time and may he score lots of goals to justify the huge pay packet he will be receiving weekly from Manchester City. Kenyans who happen to be soccer mad will now thoroughly enjoy watching a home grown kid strutt his stuff on iconic venues like Old Trafford, White Hart Lane, Emirates Stadium et all. As an African kid who grew up in the slums kicking ball on dirt roads, he really has come far through hard work, stamina and some luck. He's definitely an inspiration to millions of poor kids out there for he has proved that the sky is the limit. Watch how our greedy politicians will want to associate with him so as to rub some glory with their endless photo ops. But having an Irish/Scottish surname as his first name is some sort of contradiction. I understand "Mac" means son of, just like "Fitz" or "Ole" among the Masai. Certainly, Mariga's dad is not called Donald! The dreaded English Soccer hooligans will definitely take the mickey out of the contradiction!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Nairobi's Notorious Crime Spot!

The Nyayo Stadium junction linking Bunyala Road, Aerodrome slip road and Uhuru Highway has become a death trap to motorists from mid-night to 5.30am, despite a police station being located inside, yep you heard me right, INSIDE the stadium!

The Bunyala Road/Uhuru Highway junction is fast becoming a gangsters' paradise never mind that the Nyayo Stadium police station is just 200 metres away. This is the roundabout just before you reach Nakumatt Mega from the city centre. Criminals are having a field day mugging and even killing innocent Kenyans from mid-night to as early as 5.30 am. These crooks seem to take cover in the nearby cemetery before unleashing terror on Innocent motorist.

The murderous crooks are known to hurl stones at an oncoming vehicle, smashing it's windscreen and many drivers end up crashing due to shock and confusion before being beaten senselessly and getting robbed. A young pilot is said to have been mugged and killed in less than 10 minutes when his vehicle broke down. When his colleagues who he had phoned arrived, they found the victim lying down severely wounded by the merciless thugs.

What is even more annoying and shocking is that there's a police station very near to this dangerous junction which is just a stone throw away. Why the police have not acted despite many complaints including one that was published in Daily Nation's Watchman column remains a mystery. The same police are always quick to erect roadblocks on the nearby Langa'ta Road almost daily without fail and menacingly demand bribes from motorists. The same police particularly enjoy harassing matatu drivers who always have ready cash with them and if they refuse to part with the cash, they risk having their driving licences or stereo's face confiscated!

Something needs to be done urgently to arrest this menace to society and restore confidence in the police force. The first thing to be done should be to transfer all the Nyayo Stadium cops far away from this area. After that the police must move in fast and flush the gang from their hideouts in the cemetery, railway tunnel and nearby golf course. This must be done urgently with great speed before another innocent motorist is killed by these callous animals. If the Kenya police didn't know that this was a dangerous killing field, now they do!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Obama: The Bling Bling President!

Some real funny but doctored pics of president Obama in Iced out gear just like the famous rapper called Birdman: I have decided not to post the others which are a bit nasty where one shows him purportedly having a lap dance with a hot bimbo.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Yet Another Convicted Mzungu Rapist Freed in Nairobi

Convicted paedophile Jon Wagner in his trademark stone face.
A very wealthy Mzungu who was convicted of drugging and brutally raping underage girls in his Lavington mansion has been freed pending his appeal. The judge Mohammed Warsame freed the American convict and owner of coffee chain Java on just Sh 1m bond which is peanuts to him. His famous and rich lawyer whined that the 15 years which Jon Wagner had been jailed were flawed and unjust although his co-accussed, 2 poor Kenyan women are rotting in jail doing a 10 year stretch each. This is a big letdown by our internationally famous corrupt justice system. I'm not stepping in any JAVA until justice is delivered for the sake of those three young girls who were sexually assaulted!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Kenya's Flying Matatus..

This is a military chopper that crashed in Narok last year.
Another day, another rusty bird comes tumbling from the skies still in Narok. It barely makes it in the news as this has become the norm in Kenya. Luckily, the passengers, a father and son, survived by hair's breadth. One crashed in Nyayo High Rise Estate- Nairobi, a few months ago. Another crashed in Narok last year while another one killed several MPs in Isiolo and still another killed ministers Kipkalya Kones and Lorna. How many more must needlessly die before this pathetic Govt swings into action and save us from the killer Mitumba planes? According to KBC website regarding yesterday's plane crash:
"Narok North Senior DO, Yussuf Huka said the plane registration 5YBOK SIHRUH, which was extensively damaged, belonged to Farm Land Aviation Company based in Nairobi.
Huka said the plane's two occupants were headed to Nkorinkori in Narok South District to spray wheat at their farm.
He said the two occupants, a father, Marco Bunn who was the pilot and his son Toby Bunn, sustained various chest injuries and were flown to Nairobi for treatment.
Investigators from the Civil Aviation Industry from Nairobi, rushed to the scene to ascertain the cause of the accident."

Friday, January 15, 2010

Muslims in Nairobi Riot over a Convicted Preacher of Hate from Jamaica.

A fundamentalist chants while brandishing a sword in broad daylight outside Jamia Mosque.
-A tiny hardcore clique of chanting Islamists some brandishing swords battled anti-riot police in Nairobi over the Govt's attempts to deport a CONVICTED jihadist called Al Faisal who is banned from preaching in his own country of Jamaica. All the airlines have refused to have the convicted Jamaican on board and the Kenyan Govt has only one alternative, to hire a chartered plane which will cost us millions. We hope the Govt will quickly deport this undesirable element from Kenya, whatever the cost. There's no way we can allow a "preacher" who calls for mass murder of non-Muslims and Jews visit here. Let's bear in mind the twisted and warped Jamaican preacher Sheikh Al Faisal was jailed for 5 years in UK for preaching hate and mass murder. The Muslims in Kenya are sending a negative image to the rest of the country who may view them with lots of suspicion after this sorry saga.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Great Painful Betrayal....

"Corruption will cease to be a way of life in Kenya. I call upon all those members of my government and public officers accustomed to corrupt practices to know and clearly understand that there will be no sacred cow under my government."- president elect Mwai Kibaki Dec. 2002.
..And down the line, so many scandals while billions are lost and no one has been convicted. From Maize scandals, Passats, Free Primary Education, Triton, IDP funds, De La Rue, Grand Regency, Anglo Leasing, Mobitelea,....the list is too long and shameful to continue! Poor Kenyans, what do we do now?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Mwakwere: What a laughing stock!

Ha! ha! ha! ha! Even cartoonists are having a field day at the expense of Kenya's most hated minister the always under-performing Chirau Ali Mwakwere, the Matuga MP and Transport minister. This guy has become a complete joke and an embarrassment to the Govt and all decent Kenyans. You know that common stereotype about the Coastal people lazing around all day? He just sadly makes it stick.

As his docket hits rock-bottom in rot, the guy who loves belting Lingala tunes in press conferences just snoozes as we all suffer and tourists swear never to return to Kenya. Oh how we miss Michuki when he was the boss at the Transport Dept! Mwakere blames the whole mess on everyone else but himself. He's at pains to explain why things were orderly when Michuki was boss unlike today. This sickening comedy can only happen in Kenya. Wapi Kibaki when you need him, or should we talk about the composition of his family members so he can come out of his warm cocoon?

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Time For Kajwang' To Deport Himself As Well...

.. Hon Kajwang': Laughing at foolish Kenyans.

Hon Otieno Kajwang' the immigration supremo at Nyayo House just deported a nasty Jamican Muslim cleric out of Kenya and rightly so. The deportee is a convicted criminal having been jailed in the United Kingdom for several years after being convicted of preaching hate, murder and execution of non Muslims. So without this convicted Jamaican crook misquandering as a cleric, our kids are a little bit safer. It's goodbye to bad rubbish!

However, this post is not about the hate monger from reggae land but about the slippery minister called Kajwang who heads the notoriously corrupt immigration docket located at the infamous den called Nyayo House. The elusive minister is also the MP for Mbita a constituency which is famed for having only one tarmack road. Bwana Kajwang who happens to be also a lawyer has been blacklisted not once but twice by the Law Society of Kenya against practising any form of law on Kenya soil after fleecing his clients thousands and thousands and thousands of their hard earned shillings. surprisingly, Bwana Kajwang of the bado mapambano fame has not even appealed. Isn't it time the Hon Min deported himself from his office and fought the very-very serious allegations he's facing?

So how comes this dodgy and dubious man is fit to hold the immigration docket but is not even allowed anywhere near Kenyans who are in dire need of legal advice? Well, it's thanks to our murky siasa that Kajwang thrives in the murk. If only Bwana odinga who is his boss and PM has any sense of professional decency, he should have fired Bwana Kajwang like yesterday until he clears his name with his professional body! But then again, this is Kenya where deception and fraud thrive against the wishes of decent majority. Ole wenu!

Phew! Got it at last.....

We recited this poem on parents day many years ago when I was a student in primary school. And from the stage, I could see my mum from hundreds of parents as she craned her neck trying to catch a glimpse of me in action. And after we had finished with the presentation, she was among the first to clap thunderously with her face full of pride. These lines have always been etched in my memory up to today and thanks God because this afternoon I stumbled across the poem and will gladly share it with you. I'm sure many of you will recall it because it was as famous as the Swahili.."Mgeni kumpokea, kumbe ni kujitongea.." So relax and ji-enjoy.

The wind howls, the trees sway
The loose housetop sheets clatter and clang
The open window shuts with a bang
And the sky makes night of day.

Helter skelter the parents run
Pressed with a thousand minor cares
Hey you there! Pack the house wares!
And where on earth is my son?

- Pius Oleghe, "A sudden storm

So Annoying..So irritating

You are stuck in a crowded lift, in a hurry for an appointment after being stuck in the madness of Nairobi traffic jam for several hours and obviously after being over charged your fare by the rude makanga, and even probably after being rained on by the current unpredictable El-nino..(forget what those dozy weather men tell after the local news.)

Back in the lift, some dude's phone rings out so loudly belting a weird and crazy tune which nearly explodes your ear drums! To make the matters even worse, the ringtone is an obscene rap tune calling women b*tches or even an x-rated Mugithi or Ohangla lamenting about the current hardships of getting your way into Migingo area which is located slightly south of the belt.

Maybe the loud tune is in some irritating language you don't even understand, so that obviously makes it NOISE. Where is a Nema official to arrest these people polluting our environment with such garbage? So, the owner of such phone obviously takes about 10 minutes to locate the gadget as he shoves everyone aside while frisking his (always a HE) own pockets as he sweats profusely from the self searching exercise.

Once he lays the phone is his hands, the shouting, yelling and screaming begins..always in some vernacular.. while saliva either foams or shoots from his big lips into your face or even worse, your mouth..yuck! These kind of people, if we may call them that, just piss me right off my skin. It's for this single reason that I want to make an application to the National Firearms Bureau. I dare you cross my path next time.

Now, that dude's phone is always a cheap a*s phone, yep always, probably stolen from an innocent passenger and sold in the notorious River Road area of Nairobi. Still on the gadget, let's zoom in and try to spy what is in it's inbox, shall we? Most messages are from creditors demanding their dues which obviously are replied with short texts like, "kid sick".. "in meeting" or "call u later" and such like lies. As Madd AKA Paul Kelemba would put it, bubudiu ya uwongo!

Other texts are mostly from poor innocent girls from the village he has cheated on and a mistress who is demanding rent and salon fees. In short, the guys with loud phones riddled with porn like ring tones are just losers in real life. As Jim Carrey would say in the movie Ace Ventura.."Loohu-sers!"..They probably need to get a life. Bure Kabisa hii watu!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Ongeri and Karega..."You are so Vain...."

"You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you....don't you..don't you....."
Remember that legendary tune by Carly Simon which went on like that? Well, that tune just reminds me of these two "twin brothers" Prof Ongeri and Prof Karega who both happen to be whole professors or as we say in Swahili.."maprofesa wazima!" They are so vain they probably think this post is about them! The reason why they are vexing me is obvious. Millions and millions of cash has just vanished in thin air under their watch at the ministry of education. Yes, gone up in smoke like a grandmother's green-blue fart!

Well, nothing new there when it comes to our dodgy coalition Govt which we foolishly had so much faith in only to be disappointed big..big time! Talk about giving someone respect only for them to spit in your face! Of course they may be innocent when they say they never personally pocketed the cash (they all say that don't they?), but ultimately the buck stops with both professors! When things are rosy in that docket, they grab the credit and limelight but what do they do when things go hay-wire? In true Kenyan/African custom, they sing that song by Shaggy that goes like.."It wasn't me..!" What a crying shame we have.

What annoys me and most Kenyans is the fact that despite all the pressure from nearly every sensible person (except they want to finish my tribe brigade), they still cling on to their jobs without any sensitivity or shame. If they are are innocent (yeah right!) as they would like us to believe, why not step aside to facilitate credible investigations then come back when cleared? This is what happens in all serious democracies but looks like we are living in a banana republic where highly paid Govt officials cling on to their jobs despite the public mood on the ground...mta do nini mafala?

So where is the president (don't tell me he's still snoozing for God's sake!) in all this horrible mess that involves stealing education money from the most needy schools kids? Kibaki must wake up and exercise his authority by asking these two men to step aside if indeed their conscience can't let them. Please Baba jimmy, I know asking the two guys to resign may sound like an old wive's tale to your ears but then again just go on and do it for the sake of million of innocent kids out there.

By clinging on to their offices, PS Karega and minister Ongeri are only hurting and eroding the president's and Govt's oh and Kenyan image even further. Why can't these guys see that unless they are blinded by ignorance, arrogance and hypocrisy? Do we have to always kick someone out of office when they are kicking, cursing, yelling and screaming instead of them using their Guts (which the almighty gave them free?) Karega and Ongeri...Bure Kabisa!

Here We Go..Dream Comes True!

So why Bure Kabisa? I know you may ask that. First it's because I wanted to use a common Swahili word or phrase. Second, this is the first word on my lips when I get vexed/angry/irritated just like I was this morning with the Matatu strike around the country. Second, the phrase has been widely popularized by the one and only old guy we sometimes love to hate, step forward Baba Jimmy, AKA Mwai wa Kibaki. You can almost hear him screaming.."Hio mutu ni bure kabisa..!" from his huge imposing white hideout somewhere near the Arboretum...Just listen carefully.

I have always wanted to have a blog I can call my own and today marks the blessing of my dream coming real. The main reason why I have often been scared of starting a blog is because I felt time was lacking to manage the blog since I'm often too busy trapped in the daily rat race of this country called Kenya.

But with the new year (only five days into 2010!) I have decided to be a go getter since life is just too short to watch stuff going on as you sit and watch with all sorts of excuses under the sun. So if you have a dream, please dream no longer and go for it!

This blog will be for anything and everything under the sun that I want to get off my chest be it social, political, economic, environmental..etc. But whatever I write will be of great importance to me and my readers..hope to have some following as time goes by. So to all dirty and greedy politicians, selfish drivers, raving loonies, bad hotels, poor services etc..I will dump you in the dust bin!

I will also try to inject some humour into my posts since that is precisely what is lacking in most blogs that I have had the pleasure of visiting. Not that I'm full of humour, well can try to lighten up your day... So help me God!