Thursday, January 7, 2010

Time For Kajwang' To Deport Himself As Well...

.. Hon Kajwang': Laughing at foolish Kenyans.

Hon Otieno Kajwang' the immigration supremo at Nyayo House just deported a nasty Jamican Muslim cleric out of Kenya and rightly so. The deportee is a convicted criminal having been jailed in the United Kingdom for several years after being convicted of preaching hate, murder and execution of non Muslims. So without this convicted Jamaican crook misquandering as a cleric, our kids are a little bit safer. It's goodbye to bad rubbish!

However, this post is not about the hate monger from reggae land but about the slippery minister called Kajwang who heads the notoriously corrupt immigration docket located at the infamous den called Nyayo House. The elusive minister is also the MP for Mbita a constituency which is famed for having only one tarmack road. Bwana Kajwang who happens to be also a lawyer has been blacklisted not once but twice by the Law Society of Kenya against practising any form of law on Kenya soil after fleecing his clients thousands and thousands and thousands of their hard earned shillings. surprisingly, Bwana Kajwang of the bado mapambano fame has not even appealed. Isn't it time the Hon Min deported himself from his office and fought the very-very serious allegations he's facing?

So how comes this dodgy and dubious man is fit to hold the immigration docket but is not even allowed anywhere near Kenyans who are in dire need of legal advice? Well, it's thanks to our murky siasa that Kajwang thrives in the murk. If only Bwana odinga who is his boss and PM has any sense of professional decency, he should have fired Bwana Kajwang like yesterday until he clears his name with his professional body! But then again, this is Kenya where deception and fraud thrive against the wishes of decent majority. Ole wenu!

Phew! Got it at last.....

We recited this poem on parents day many years ago when I was a student in primary school. And from the stage, I could see my mum from hundreds of parents as she craned her neck trying to catch a glimpse of me in action. And after we had finished with the presentation, she was among the first to clap thunderously with her face full of pride. These lines have always been etched in my memory up to today and thanks God because this afternoon I stumbled across the poem and will gladly share it with you. I'm sure many of you will recall it because it was as famous as the Swahili.."Mgeni kumpokea, kumbe ni kujitongea.." So relax and ji-enjoy.

The wind howls, the trees sway
The loose housetop sheets clatter and clang
The open window shuts with a bang
And the sky makes night of day.

Helter skelter the parents run
Pressed with a thousand minor cares
Hey you there! Pack the house wares!
And where on earth is my son?

- Pius Oleghe, "A sudden storm

So Annoying..So irritating

You are stuck in a crowded lift, in a hurry for an appointment after being stuck in the madness of Nairobi traffic jam for several hours and obviously after being over charged your fare by the rude makanga, and even probably after being rained on by the current unpredictable El-nino..(forget what those dozy weather men tell after the local news.)

Back in the lift, some dude's phone rings out so loudly belting a weird and crazy tune which nearly explodes your ear drums! To make the matters even worse, the ringtone is an obscene rap tune calling women b*tches or even an x-rated Mugithi or Ohangla lamenting about the current hardships of getting your way into Migingo area which is located slightly south of the belt.

Maybe the loud tune is in some irritating language you don't even understand, so that obviously makes it NOISE. Where is a Nema official to arrest these people polluting our environment with such garbage? So, the owner of such phone obviously takes about 10 minutes to locate the gadget as he shoves everyone aside while frisking his (always a HE) own pockets as he sweats profusely from the self searching exercise.

Once he lays the phone is his hands, the shouting, yelling and screaming begins..always in some vernacular.. while saliva either foams or shoots from his big lips into your face or even worse, your mouth..yuck! These kind of people, if we may call them that, just piss me right off my skin. It's for this single reason that I want to make an application to the National Firearms Bureau. I dare you cross my path next time.

Now, that dude's phone is always a cheap a*s phone, yep always, probably stolen from an innocent passenger and sold in the notorious River Road area of Nairobi. Still on the gadget, let's zoom in and try to spy what is in it's inbox, shall we? Most messages are from creditors demanding their dues which obviously are replied with short texts like, "kid sick".. "in meeting" or "call u later" and such like lies. As Madd AKA Paul Kelemba would put it, bubudiu ya uwongo!

Other texts are mostly from poor innocent girls from the village he has cheated on and a mistress who is demanding rent and salon fees. In short, the guys with loud phones riddled with porn like ring tones are just losers in real life. As Jim Carrey would say in the movie Ace Ventura.."Loohu-sers!"..They probably need to get a life. Bure Kabisa hii watu!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Ongeri and Karega..."You are so Vain...."

"You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you....don't you..don't you....."
Remember that legendary tune by Carly Simon which went on like that? Well, that tune just reminds me of these two "twin brothers" Prof Ongeri and Prof Karega who both happen to be whole professors or as we say in Swahili.."maprofesa wazima!" They are so vain they probably think this post is about them! The reason why they are vexing me is obvious. Millions and millions of cash has just vanished in thin air under their watch at the ministry of education. Yes, gone up in smoke like a grandmother's green-blue fart!

Well, nothing new there when it comes to our dodgy coalition Govt which we foolishly had so much faith in only to be disappointed big..big time! Talk about giving someone respect only for them to spit in your face! Of course they may be innocent when they say they never personally pocketed the cash (they all say that don't they?), but ultimately the buck stops with both professors! When things are rosy in that docket, they grab the credit and limelight but what do they do when things go hay-wire? In true Kenyan/African custom, they sing that song by Shaggy that goes like.."It wasn't me..!" What a crying shame we have.

What annoys me and most Kenyans is the fact that despite all the pressure from nearly every sensible person (except they want to finish my tribe brigade), they still cling on to their jobs without any sensitivity or shame. If they are are innocent (yeah right!) as they would like us to believe, why not step aside to facilitate credible investigations then come back when cleared? This is what happens in all serious democracies but looks like we are living in a banana republic where highly paid Govt officials cling on to their jobs despite the public mood on the ground...mta do nini mafala?

So where is the president (don't tell me he's still snoozing for God's sake!) in all this horrible mess that involves stealing education money from the most needy schools kids? Kibaki must wake up and exercise his authority by asking these two men to step aside if indeed their conscience can't let them. Please Baba jimmy, I know asking the two guys to resign may sound like an old wive's tale to your ears but then again just go on and do it for the sake of million of innocent kids out there.

By clinging on to their offices, PS Karega and minister Ongeri are only hurting and eroding the president's and Govt's oh and Kenyan image even further. Why can't these guys see that unless they are blinded by ignorance, arrogance and hypocrisy? Do we have to always kick someone out of office when they are kicking, cursing, yelling and screaming instead of them using their Guts (which the almighty gave them free?) Karega and Ongeri...Bure Kabisa!

Here We Go..Dream Comes True!

So why Bure Kabisa? I know you may ask that. First it's because I wanted to use a common Swahili word or phrase. Second, this is the first word on my lips when I get vexed/angry/irritated just like I was this morning with the Matatu strike around the country. Second, the phrase has been widely popularized by the one and only old guy we sometimes love to hate, step forward Baba Jimmy, AKA Mwai wa Kibaki. You can almost hear him screaming.."Hio mutu ni bure kabisa..!" from his huge imposing white hideout somewhere near the Arboretum...Just listen carefully.

I have always wanted to have a blog I can call my own and today marks the blessing of my dream coming real. The main reason why I have often been scared of starting a blog is because I felt time was lacking to manage the blog since I'm often too busy trapped in the daily rat race of this country called Kenya.

But with the new year (only five days into 2010!) I have decided to be a go getter since life is just too short to watch stuff going on as you sit and watch with all sorts of excuses under the sun. So if you have a dream, please dream no longer and go for it!

This blog will be for anything and everything under the sun that I want to get off my chest be it social, political, economic, environmental..etc. But whatever I write will be of great importance to me and my readers..hope to have some following as time goes by. So to all dirty and greedy politicians, selfish drivers, raving loonies, bad hotels, poor services etc..I will dump you in the dust bin!

I will also try to inject some humour into my posts since that is precisely what is lacking in most blogs that I have had the pleasure of visiting. Not that I'm full of humour, well can try to lighten up your day... So help me God!