You are stuck in a crowded lift, in a hurry for an appointment after being stuck in the madness of Nairobi traffic jam for several hours and obviously after being over charged your fare by the rude makanga, and even probably after being rained on by the current unpredictable El-nino..(forget what those dozy weather men tell after the local news.)
Back in the lift, some dude's phone rings out so loudly belting a weird and crazy tune which nearly explodes your ear drums! To make the matters even worse, the ringtone is an obscene rap tune calling women b*tches or even an x-rated Mugithi or Ohangla lamenting about the current hardships of getting your way into Migingo area which is located slightly south of the belt.
Maybe the loud tune is in some irritating language you don't even understand, so that obviously makes it NOISE. Where is a Nema official to arrest these people polluting our environment with such garbage? So, the owner of such phone obviously takes about 10 minutes to locate the gadget as he shoves everyone aside while frisking his (always a HE) own pockets as he sweats profusely from the self searching exercise.
Once he lays the phone is his hands, the shouting, yelling and screaming begins..always in some vernacular.. while saliva either foams or shoots from his big lips into your face or even worse, your mouth..yuck! These kind of people, if we may call them that, just piss me right off my skin. It's for this single reason that I want to make an application to the National Firearms Bureau. I dare you cross my path next time.
Now, that dude's phone is always a cheap a*s phone, yep always, probably stolen from an innocent passenger and sold in the notorious River Road area of Nairobi. Still on the gadget, let's zoom in and try to spy what is in it's inbox, shall we? Most messages are from creditors demanding their dues which obviously are replied with short texts like, "kid sick".. "in meeting" or "call u later" and such like lies. As Madd AKA Paul Kelemba would put it, bubudiu ya uwongo!
Other texts are mostly from poor innocent girls from the village he has cheated on and a mistress who is demanding rent and salon fees. In short, the guys with loud phones riddled with porn like ring tones are just losers in real life. As Jim Carrey would say in the movie Ace Ventura.."Loohu-sers!"..They probably need to get a life. Bure Kabisa hii watu!